This is how my 不要回家 story goes:

It started sometime after I enrolled in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, in the Business IT course, it wasn’t the best choice that I have made and I did not make good of the time I was studying. I did really badly in the first semester by failing two modules and had to repeat them. In the following semester, I retook these two modules and I passed one, but still failed the other. This resulted in the dismissal of my status as a student in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Of course, I couldn’t accept the fact that I was going to be dismissed and I got my parents to accompany me to appeal against the dismissal. All thanks to one of the tutors that have taught me previously, I managed to stay in the school. This time, I made a decision to study, I sat for the common test for that term and during the holidays, I began thinking about what I really wanted to do in life. It definitely wasn’t anything related to Business IT. Contrary to many people, I was better in the IT modules than the Business ones. I really enjoyed learning the IT skills, but I couldn’t make sense of the Business modules. How am I going to apply this in any job I’ll be holding after graduating? It just wasn’t right for me.

I even started working part time even when I was still studying. It took a lot of energy from me because I reached home late almost every day. I loved the job though! The colleagues and the boss were very nice to me and the clothes I was selling were so pretty. However, my mother forced me to quit the job and it really didn’t make any difference. After quitting the job, I spent my time at home and I still didn’t study, of course. I spent all my time on the computer, watching dramas, surfing the internet, everything but study.

That’s why I made the decision to withdraw from the course. Maybe I should have accepted it when I was dismissed, but I couldn’t. I knew I could study and I did not want to give up. My results in the past weren’t excellent, but they weren’t that bad. However, it couldn’t let me go where I wanted, which is a diploma in Psychology in a polytechnic. The cut-off point was 9 and my aggregate was 11, after deducting the CCA points.

For some time, I felt like I was hanging on loose threads and that they would suddenly break and I would fall down into the deep dark hole that I dug for myself. It’s a never ending hole and I couldn’t stop falling. Until I reached a point where I suddenly felt that I have hit the ground and I realised that I didn’t fall to my death. I was still alive.

There was these two weeks where my parents went overseas and I don’t know whether I felt lost or free. It wasn’t an easy time for me but I think others had things worse than me. At that point of time though, I wasn’t in the right mind at all. I was very afraid. I felt that I had a bout of depression and tweeted a lot about it. A lot of people were concerned for me at that time, but I couldn’t accept their consolation. I felt so lost at one time, I wandered around in a mall and I didn’t even know where I was going, my world was just spinning out of control. I was even considering running away from home. I didn’t feel safe in my own home because I was facing so much oppression from my parents at that time. I wanted to find a safe house. When I look back now, I realise that my home is the safest place in the whole world. I just didn’t felt that at that time. It was a very scary place.

Then I found a job, a part time job that would keep me occupied so that I wouldn’t have so much time in my hands to think. I have to thank my friends for encouraging me to join the crew at Awfully Chocolate. Although I was placed in Everything with Fries in the end, it now feels like God has placed me there to learn some lessons that I will never gain elsewhere. I have gained great friends there too, they are some amazing people. I will never forget them. I am saying this because I have decided to leave the place and join Canelé as a full time worker. I am excited for this job, it will start tomorrow and I can sense the possibilities for me. I will do my best! This leads to the next point, my choice of studies.

For a period of time, I thought I could become an educator to the little children, but I realised that I was too much of an introvert to be able to manage a class of many toddlers. There would definitely be pressure from the parents too. I’ve always been interested in the theories of Psychology, although I should really take time out to study deeper into the subject. This is why I have made the decision to enrol in a part-time diploma in Psychology at TMC academy. As they only offer a part-time diploma, I will be able to work full time and support myself. It’s time for me to be independent. Also, of course to support my spending habits because I’m such a spendthrift. My wish list is endless, is there anyone who wants the list so that it will be easier for you to gift me something for Christmas?

Now I know that I am very blessed to have such supportive parents, who have agreed with my decisions, despite such circumstances. Despite what they have said, they still signed the form to apply for the appeal against dismissal as well as the withdrawal. I owe them so much and it can never be repaid. The only thing I can do is not to let them down and study hard. I will definitely be able to do that, I’m sure of it.

The past two years have been a tough journey, but I’m sure I will come out of it stronger.

I am going to be invincible.

To you, who have read the whole post, thank you. :’)
God bless you.

With love,
Erin

P.s.: The song Invincible resonated deep with what I was feeling recently and I just wanted to share this song with all of you. Please enjoy it!